Thursday, November 30, 2006

My Very Successful 2006 Resolution

Some time in late 2005, I started realizing that all of the things that I was always complaining about were actually situations where the ball was in my court. Or at least situations where I could grab the ball and put it in my court. (You see, I'm using easy to understand and technically correct basketball analogies here.) One of those things had to do with friendships that I had lost over the years. In a lot of ways, I'm an easy going gal, but at the same time, I'm my grandmother's daughter--or a leo. Either one would explain my tendency to get hurt easily by some people and my quickness to turn to roaring anger when hurt. Anyway, I realized that I had "unfinished business" with about 5 people.

And through this year, I not only forgave the people who hurt me, but I did so in a ceremonious way, which coincided with my other New Year's resolution: To outwardly declare to the world in very certain terms those things that I wanted from it.

It was definitely awkward and hard to do. And my pride has taken a beating, but just like a broken bone, its healed stronger than ever. Some of these people I had spent the last 4 years pretending that they didn't exist. One of the girls refused to talk with me about it. I think she is ashamed. I forgave her anyway and we are civil if not friendly to one another. I worried that peeps would think that I was in a 12-step program or that I was resolving issues before going home and killing myself. Or some other dark and dramatic reason. And the timing was off on a few of
them. One of the girls with whom I talked it out, an old friend, she thought I was suddenly trying to take advantage of her new position at a theatre where most performers in Chicago want to work. So I had to try to explain my resolution, which made me feel like a hateful bitch, because who has so many grudges that she has to make a New Year's resolution to get rid of them?

Me.

Anyway, there is one last person out there. I can't say I am still holding a grudge, but I definitely haven't spoken with the Asshole about it, so I haven't exactly committed to not holding a grudge against Douchebrains either. The funny thing is, I completely forgive the Blowhard when he's not around. But when I see his Smug Donkey Face, I find myself wanting to slap it to high Heaven. I mean, Fucko isn't a part of my life or thoughts anymore. I'm happy and have great friends who aren't Ego-Manical Freakshows like he is. And I'm sure the Tool has changed, even though he HAS THE MOST INCAPABLE HEART I HAVE EVER HAD THE SORROW OF KNOWING. Anyway, I should talk to the Dirtbag about it, tell him that I forgive his slimy self and that I'm no longer putting pins in the eyes of the voodoo doll whose body I keep trapped under the foot
of my bed.

So, yeah, for the most part my resolution was successful.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm pleased to see you're still making progress with anger management therapy.

Walking Into Pictures said...

Ha, this is great.

I did the same thing last year...getting in touch with people I'd had a falling out with. Both were successful and we're back to being friends.

Way to go!

Sarah

Anonymous said...

It's a weird feeling - forgiveness. Much like mold and mildew remover will cleanse soap scum off a shower door. Forgiveness removes the residue of hate off the ticker in your chest.
And muuch like the clock (inside the croc. from Peter Pan) ticks loudly and wards off the evil Captain Hook, (although in this case time is not the culprit) I'm certain your ticker shall ward off the Capatain Hooks in your life as well.

joyce

Anonymous said...

I was going to write that this made me laugh out loud, but I actually didn't, it was more of a evil internal laugh that was much louder in my head than it would be if it were to escape my mouth.

Robert Cass said...

How can you be your grandmother's daughter? That makes no sense, mainly because grandmothers can't have daughters. They can only have granddaughters. Duh, Kay-ree.

Carrie said...

Grandmothers can't have daughters? I'll have to tell my mother that.

It was supposed to say "grandmother's grandaughter."

Snark Attack!

=)

Anonymous said...

Great blog!

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