Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Shave That Shit!

That thicket of hair growing like black mold on your chin, it needs to be shaved. That small hairy patch that nestles your lower lip and lounges to the bottom of your chin, leaving your upper lip smooth as a baby’s bottom, it does not love you. It is too lazy to be a full goatee, but still proof that you are a man. Or so you think. I’m sorry to say that so much care should never have been taken in shaving around it.

Tomorrow morning, when you are shaving your upper lip, cheeks and neck, please swipe your razor over your chin and erase it. You will feel liberated. After all, it was the only thing holding you back from being cool.

Hair doesn’t have feelings. Lying in a pile in your trashcan, that hair will never know what came over it. Think of the fun it will have fun swimming in your shower water! What adventures it will have away from your face! You don’t need it. It was weighing you down. You thought you loved it. You thought it separated you from the other starched businessmen in your office. But it didn’t.

Its time to say goodbye.


Suki said...

OMG! This is brilliant. I'm still giggling, trying to be discreet when I should be working. You do know that there are men right now wishing they had brought an electric razor with them to work and taking down their Apollo Ono posters from their cubicles.

t.a. said...

are you the same carrie barrett that went to EIU?

Carrie said...

I also replied in the post where you left your first comment. I am not that same carrie barrett.

good luck finding her!