10 Gruesome Office Injuries

(in no particular order)

1. Stabbing yourself with the scissors that you're delivering to your boss borrow because he's too lazy to walk to the supply closet (Is this what you went to college for?)

2. Lodging a staple in your eye while replacing staples in the automatic stapler in the copy room (You're the only one who replaces them.)

3. Absentmindedly swallowing a thumbtack while eating Kettle Corn style popcorn while you're working at your desk fixing your boss's spreadsheet that won't print correctly (Apparently you're IT.)

4. Hyper extending your knees while trying to move a huge file cabinet filled with 1997 account records that the person who had your job before you should have had stored in Central Filing (What's new?)

5. Crushing your ribs when the rickety supply shelves fall on your while you're trying to move messily opened boxes of file folders to their correct place in the supply closet. (Apparently you're the Office Manager.)

6. Choking on the stringy cheese that's in your Lean Cuisine French Bread Pizza (They were on sale 5 for $9.99.)

7. Amputating your hand while trying to change the over-filled bin in the paper shredder (You're the only one who changes it.)

8. Decapitating yourself while trying to stop a closing elevator door (That bitch inside obviously hit the "CLOSE" button when she saw you.)

9. Electrocuting yourself while trying to un-jam D3, D5, and D7 of the copying machine (You're the only one who un-jams the machine.)

10. Waking up every morning with the realization that your post-college dreams grow more and more faint every day you go into work. (You're not the only one.)