(as suggested by bridal magazines, and websites)
1) Release a cage of white doves after the ceremony. Ok, first of all, gross. Second of all, I will not do anything at my wedding that has been done by some crazy lady in a mass of nut cases anxiously congregating outside of a courthouse on behalf of Michael Jackson's acquittal.
2) Likewise, there will not be a live butterfly release either. I will do without “the magical appearance of these majestic fluttering beauties as they emerge from the specially designed release envelopes or baskets.” For real.
3) Wear a pink wedding dress. I don’t care if you call it “blush” or “rose.” I’ll leave that shit for Trista. Enough said.
4) Create a website agonizing over every little wedding/reception decision, including menu font, silverware, and guest book pen selections; share website and weekly updates with friends and family. Zzzzzzzzz…
5) Give out heart shaped measuring spoons with a tag that says, “Love Beyond Measure” in fancy script. Or hand out "Love is in the Air" Car fresheners. Or distribute tiny glass slippers that say, "At Last I Found My Prince". (Can you believe that they have entire websites devoted to Cinderella Themed weddings??? Who are these people??!)
Thursday, January 12, 2006
5 (of Many) Wedding Ideas that I will NOT use:
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4 comments:
The last wedding I was at, there were 7-9 bridesmaids and the matching number of groomsmen.
When it came time for the bride to walk down the aisle, everyone was supposed to stand, at least that's what the pastor said at rehearsal.
The bride was 1/4 the way down the aisle, and no one was standing yet, so the groomsmen took it upon themselves to waive their arms up and down like they were on the sideslines of a football game trying to pump up the crowd.
So let this serve as a warning to you on your wedding day. If the collection of groomsmen show up to rehearsal wearing their finest Nascar paraphernalia, are unshaved, and look as though they have possibly hunted squirrel within the last 48 hours, then you might want to suggest to them, not to waive their arms during ANY point of the service. They might not know any better.
Funny you should mention it! My reception is actually a squirel huntin' party! I know what you're thinking--Don't worry--we're not giving the engraved "Chris and Carrie, Shot Thru the Heart" shotguns to the flower girl and ring-bearer. They're getting B-B guns with heart-shaped plastic pellets and will have to stay at the shooting range with their Mummas while the Big Dogs go hunting for that evening's stew.
Seriously, who eats stew at a wedding? You've clearly got issues.
Hate to say it . . . I'm an Event Planner. 90% of the brides I deal with come to me with the s-t-o-o-p-i-d-e-s-t ideas and I just want to scream "don't you realize this is about a marriage and not a wedding and besides, that's tacky as shit". I don't. But someday I might.
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